


The way I see you

by Catching_sunrays



Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: Drawing, Eliott's POV, Fluff, Happy Ending, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Bad At Titles, M/M, Mental Breakdown, a little bit angst involved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-16
Updated: 2019-04-16
Packaged: 2020-01-15 02:48:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18489751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Catching_sunrays/pseuds/Catching_sunrays
Summary: The pencil was scribbling over the sheets, one, two, five pages were filled up with a sleeping Lucas, every new one got a little more surreal. Tears falling down the pages and mixed themself with the lines and the lead of the pencil got blunt, but it was like Eliott couldn't stop. He needed to get his emotions, his love down on the paper.





	The way I see you

It was dark outside. Lucas was sleeping next to him, cuddled up at his side, one arm around his waist. Eliott was sitting in the bed and couldn't sleep. He was watching Lucas for what felt like an hour and he knew he never would be getting tired of this. The silent snoring calms his mind in a welcoming way. His mood wasn't the best in the last days, but Lucas managed to help him. He was so grateful for this boy on his side and his kind and loving temper, sometimes his silly ideas, but most of all was he grateful for the love he let Eilott feel, everyday. 

He knew it was different with Lucas since the first time he sat an eye on him on his first day of school. It was only a shade of the feeling he now felt for him. It was like all the emotions getting more intense the more time they spent together. He thought after time it wasn't possible that his emotions would gain more on intensity, but here he was. Looking at Lucas with tears in his eyes in the middle of the night, because he didn't know where to go with all his emotions for him. Sometimes it was as he would combust without a valve to let his emotions flow through his body.

With a tender stroke over Lucas arm he lifted it up to slipped out of bed. He needs to do something. He didn't want to wake him up, but he needed to find a way to express his emotions. So he grabbed his book with his graphics and found his favourite place at the window of Lucas' room. He sat down and flipped through the pages. They were full of Lucas and little hedgehogs and raccoons on their daily adventures, because every day with Lucas felt like an adventure he was so happy to be part of.   
Like this one day, they were sitting on a bench at the Île de la cité in the shadows of the old Notre Dame. Lucas had an ice cream, the sun was shining and they didn't care about time or the many busy tourists on their way to the famous landmark. He loved living just in the moment. All the stress after a long week of school behind them and the sun letting Lucas blue eyes shone like two little suns down on earth. Eliott had painted them sitting there, next to each other, wanting to keep this memory safe. He knew there would be bad days and those pictures and memories helped him to get through the dark days.   
Now he didn't want to draw a little hedgehog. He wanted to draw Lucas sleeping, with his mouth slightly open, but still looking like a little angel, sent to earth to be loved by him. 

Drawing went well for quite a time. He was focussed and his thoughts were calmed down. But the more he draw the more he got obsessed. The pencil was scribbling over the sheets, one, two, five pages were filled up with a sleeping Lucas, every new one got a little more surreal. Tears falling down the pages and mixed themself with the lines and the lead of the pencil got blunt, but it was like Eliott couldn't stop. He needed to get his emotions, his love down on the paper. With every drawing his thoughts got more and more out of touch with him. He thought about the times he made Lucas upset, all the times he had hurt him and wasn't able to show him how important he was to him. He was spiralling. His mind stuck up in the thought that Lucas would be better without him, that he deserved so much better than him. Deep down he knew this wasn't the reality. Lucas always tried to make sure Eliott knew that he was happy with him, but in moments like this he wasn't able to think about it.   
He didn't noticed the pencil falling out of his hand and the book sliding down from his lap. He brought his hands up to his face and was crying silent tears. 

He didn't know how long he had sat on the windowsill crying. But he felt two hands slightly touching his hands, shyly embracing his hands and leading them down. A hand lifted up his chin and he was forced to look up. Two little dark suns were looking at him. There was no judgement, no questions were asked, Lucas just took him in a tight hug and Eliott buried his face on his chest, breathing in the familiar scent. He was still crying even though there weren't much tears left. One hand was stroking over his head to calm him down, and he did after he found the desperately needed shelter in Lucas' embrace. 

Lucas still didn't say a word. He knew his words wouldn't get through to Eliott and Eliott was so moved by their silent understanding. He twined his arms around Lucas' waist and pulled him closer, needed him to be closer, to feel him in his arms, to feel he was real, that this was real. So they stood there for long minutes in which Eliott's breathing came back to normal, his tears dried and he was finally able to push away a bit from Lucas. He looked at him with tired eyes. "I guess, I am ready to go to bed again." even though it was just a silent whisper, it felt like a scream into the silence of the room. Lucas just nodded and let Eliott slip down the windowsill and followed him with his gaze as he walked over to lay down. He lifted up the book from the ground, "May I?" he asked cautiously while he made his way to the bed to lay down next to Eliott. Eliott had never shown him this book before. It was just for him, his memories safe in one place. But he knew he was ready to share this with Lucas, so he just nodded. Tired from the last hours of crying he rested his head on Lucas chest, listening to the constant beating of his heart. A familiar sound calmed down all of his senses to a more pleasant level. 

Lucas was looking trough the pages. Every once in a while he smiled at a drawing. Eliott was watching him from his position on his chest. Approaching the last pages he saw the look on Lucas face slightly shifting, but still he wasn't saying anything. He closed the book and looked down at Eliott.  
"Any thoughts?" he asked and the younger one smiled. "Your drawing are beautiful. Especially the portraits....Want to talk about the last ones?" his hand found his way back to Eliott's hair, playing with some strands of hair.   
"No, not really. I don't know what to tell about them. I can't remember much of drawing them." he whispered as an answer, lowering his glance. "I think they look beautiful, too. They represent this side of your mind very well." Lucas said and Eliott could hear the smile in his voice. "When they show this side of me, why should they be beautiful? They must be disgusting." "No, they're not. I love your drawings, your painting and everything you can put on paper. This is a part of you and it could never be disgusting to me. And I love you, Eliott. Everything about you. Your smile, your shining eyes when your excited and happy, your laugh from deep down in your chest, the way you think and how genuine you are, how loving and caring. And I love also the dark side of you when you feel down and when you want to sleep for the next days. I love every part of you. So there isn't any reason why I wouldn't think those drawings are beautiful. And have you looked at them?" Eliott wasn't sure what to respond. He was amazed by Lucas and the simplicity of his words. So unable to find the right words at this point he just responded "No, I haven't looked at them." 

"Well, than have a look." and Lucas handed him his book so Eliott could turn to his latest drawings. It was hard to look at them. With every new one his memories came back, the feeling of drowning again refilled his heart, but at the same time he tried to see them through Lucas eyes and he must admit, they were not bad. This was a part of him for the rest of his life. It wouldn't be tonight that he could accept this and the impact on his art, but someday, with a little more distance, maybe. He closed the pages, not able to deal with all the emotions at the moment and he turned to his early works. He was searching for a special one. It was one of the first drawings of Lucas, before he thought about him as a little hedgehog. "This is my favourite of you," he said, handing Lucas the book. It showed Lucas turning his face to look at him in the common room at their first meeting. The rest of the people were blurred out, just Lucas was in focus. His look was soft and curious at the same time. "I loved that expression on your face. You looked so unsure and surprised, like you didn't know what to think about me." "That may be, because I really didn't know what to think about you", he laughed, "I remember this moment like it was yesterday. You came into the room and after you sat down you looked at me and I wasn't able to look away or to even think straight and in that very moment I knew nothing would be the same as before." he smiled softly down on Eliott, tilting his head down a little bit to give Eliott a tender kiss on the lips. 

"Which is your favourite?" Eliott asked after they separated from their kiss. He was still tired, but talking to Lucas was the thing he needed to do tonight. Lucas was turning the pages until he found what he was searching for. "This one." and he handed the book back to Eliott who immediately smiled after he took a look at the drawing. It showed Lucas sleeping on his bed and Eliott remembered the moment he took this image in. "It was the day after our first kiss, right before I had to leave you. You looked so peaceful, so happy and calm. I just wanted to keep this memory forever, not knowing if I ever would have the chance to see you like this again. And sometimes I look at it and I than look next to me and see you like that and it fills my heart with so much love, I don't know how to handle it. Even though there are dark hours and days, I am happy. You have to believe me. I am so happy to have you in my life, to be able to love you, to hold you in my arms and to kiss those soft lips." he could see the blush on Lucas face in the dim light of the upcoming sunrise, "You don't know how long I have wanted to touch your lips and hold you tight." A little tear had made its way up to Lucas' eye and was running down his cheek, but he was still smiling. Eliott changed his position so he was able put his arms around the smaller boys waist and pull him in a tight hug. He lifted his head up to meet Lucas lips with his. Still, after all the kisses they had shared, he could sense the tingling in his belly and the pure feeling of happiness pouring through his veins, dispelling the poison of his unwanted breakdown. It was the best feeling for him after a night like this.

In the end they both lay down and Eliott snuggled up in Lucas arm so he could be hold by the younger one while he finally fell into a resting sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for a tumblr-prompt. It is based on "2. I like to draw at night | it starts to get surreal | But less time that I spent with you | the less you need to heal." and "43. You don't know | how long I have wanted to touch your lips and hold you tight."
> 
> Thank you for reading ♥
> 
> And if you want you can find me on [tumblr](https://wanderlust-in-my-soul.tumblr.com/)


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